Start A New Marriage With Your Spouse

Posted on March 20, 2012 by Jan Soriano


As I was doing some research on topics to how to have a successful marriage, I ran across a highly stimulating article posted by Mark Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington. Eye-opening statistics clearly show that marriage in America is very ill.  A lot of people have experimented on ways to have a long-lasting relationship with their partner, from pre-marital sex to co-habitation.  But these do not work.

So what does? Pastor Driscoll suggests to start a new marriage with your spouse.  You might have tried everything so why not give this a shot.

Start a New Marriage with Your Spouse

Simply said, the state of marriage in our country is perilous, and we want to help. Here are few of the startling stats:

• For the first time in U.S. history, single adults outnumber married adults.
• For those who do marry, over 40 percent of marriages end in divorce, according to the New York Times.
• Between 25 to 50 percent of Americans commit adultery, depending on the study.
• Some 59 percent of adults believe extramarital fantasies are OK.
• Three out of four of Americans have premarital sex before the age of 20.
• An estimated 15 percent of married couples haven’t had sex in six months to a year.
• Over half of all first marriages are now preceded by cohabitation according to Population Studies, and this figure is rising.

The facts tell the story: Marriage in our country is broken. And the implication is clear: many people need a new marriage, which first requires a new understanding of marriage.

Sadly, for many this means trading in a spouse for a newer model in a never-ending search for the perfect relationship and happiness. But this isn’t the answer either, as the divorce rate for second marriages is even higher than first marriages, 60 percent! You can change spouses, but if you don’t change, nothing changes.

So, what is the answer? Start a new marriage with the same spouse.

Start a new marriage with your spouse

This begins with understanding that marriage is not about you and what you want but about the two of you glorifying God together, serving one another selflessly, and redefining what makes for a great marriage for you and your spouse—all centered on biblical truths and Jesus.

For many this will sound crazy. But what’s crazy is everyone continuing to do what already isn’t working.

This is the essential truth Grace and I discovered in our own marriage, which was rough for both of us for many years, leading to a functional marriage that was not much fun.

We thank God that over the years, he has brought healing to our marriage. Today, we are great friends and lovers. But it hasn’t always been that way. It took stepping on a lot of land mines to learn some important lessons about ourselves and our marriage to get to a point today where we enjoy a great marriage together.

Some of these lessons for a successful marriage included the importance of friendship, a biblical understanding of the role of men and women in marriage, and the necessity of a fulfilling sex life for both the husband and wife.

So instead of bailing out on your marriage when problems arise, why not start a new marriage with your spouse.  Drastic changes in your perceived truths and values might be required.  And this would entail a lot of discipline and hard work.  For a FREE guided counseling that will help you save your marriage, please click here.

This may sound like fiction, but marriage can be fun and fulfilling.  Instead of it being a source of all your frustrations and stress, it can be your rock that supports you in your daily challenges. It will not always be a bed of roses.  It definitely will have its ups and downs.  But that is what makes it fun.

Kindly click the Like button below to share with your friends the true principles which govern all successful marriages.

Share
Posted in How To Fix A Relationship, How To Love Your Husband, Marriage Counseling, Marriages And Divorce, Problems In Marriage, To Save A Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Why Is Christian Divorce Rate Rising?

Posted on March 16, 2012 by Jan Soriano


To be successful in marriage is difficult for all.  We are faced with so many problems and challenges on a daily basis. But we, Christians in particular, have been given clear instructions by the creator of marriage on how to make it last.  So why is Christian divorce rate rising?

Kathy Keller, wife of Pastor Tim Keller, provides valuable insights on why this is happening and tips on how this trend can be reversed.  A portion of her radio interview is featured by Brittany Smith in her article written for Christian Post.

Why Is Christian Divorce Rate Rising?

Why is Christian divorce rate rising?

Kathy Keller on the radio program that the real problem of divorce stems from “Christians not understanding how Christianity works.”

“People who call themselves committed Christians may be assenting to certain truths without ever having taken the Gospel in as the center that energizes their whole life,” she said.

“Unless you do that – meaning my life is laid down for you in the imitation of what Christ did – then you’re operating out of a very self-serving template when you get into a relationship.”

Kathy Keller said that both the husband and the wife are to take on the role of Jesus in the marriage – with the husband dying to himself to sanctify his wife, and the wife taking on the role of Jesus as a servant.

When the Gospel isn’t in the center of a relationship, that’s when you have problems, she summed. She said from the very beginning humans are all about looking out for number one. And fighting the “me” mentality is hard work.

So why is Christian divorce rate rising?  It is clear that we are not following what God has instructed us to do.  He did not only tell us.  He even had His only begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, show us how it is done.  He showed us how it is to love our wife with how He loves His church.  As if this was not enough, He sent His Holy Spirit to indwell in us that we may have the strength to overcome all temptations and challenges.

Let us remember that God is Love.  And without God in our marriage, there will be no marriage.  So let us bring back God in our marriage and see how things will fall in its proper order.

Should you care to share this beautiful article with friends and other Christian couples who are not taking their roles as husbands and wives properly, please click the Like button below.

Share
Posted in Marriage Counseling, Marriages And Divorce, To Save A Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Secrets To Happy Marriages Of Many African-American Couples

Posted on March 15, 2012 by Jan Soriano


It is a big help to us, married people, to learn the secrets to happy marriages of many African-American couples. Most especially if the research study is done by the professors of the Mississippi State University and Louisiana State University.

These marriages, which have stood the test of time, can inspire a lot of us specially those whose relationships are in crisis. Of course, those about to get married and the newlyweds will also enjoy this study.  Why do these marriages stick? Let us explore this research article of substance posted as a special in the Clinton News.

Secrets To Happy Marriages Of Many African-American Couples

Along with his MSU colleague Joe Wilmoth, and Loren Marks, associate professor in the School of Human Ecology at Louisiana State University, Phillips studied 71 African-American couples who had been married an average of 32 years.

Secrets To Happy Marriages Of Many African-American Couples

The couples were asked to share the top reasons their marriages have lasted so long, the biggest challenges they had to overcome and what they most often disagreed about.

The responses revealed 51 percent of the couples believe God is the top reason their marriages have stood the test of time. Love ranked second, at 31 percent. Good communication came in third. Communication was also identified as a challenge and the thing couples disagreed about the most.

“I believe this communication paradox illustrates just how important it is for couples to talk to each other, even when it doesn’t go well,” Wilmoth said. “Although these couples argued about communication often, making the effort to deal with issues showed they were invested in the relationship.”

The study showed that these couples, who had been married from 15 to 60 years at the time of the study, reported spending “quite a bit” or “all” of their time together.

“This is consistent with what other research has found, which serves as a reminder to all couples that they need to cultivate their relationship as friends,” Wilmoth said.

“The couples who participated in this study reported being happily married, attending church frequently, praying often and believing that their faith plays a large role in the longevity of their marriages,” he said. “They also tended to share the same faith – in fact, all of the husbands and wives in the sample were same-faith couples.”

One challenge to long-lasting unions is that marriage is often perceived as having too many problems and not enough benefits, Wilmoth said.

Phillips said the study shows these couples have faced difficulties and challenges over the years but have worked through them to remain married.

“This study’s results suggest that the inevitable challenges and disagreements of marriage need not be destructive and need not lead to the dissolution of the marriage,” he said.

The knowledge we gain from this study will show the values of putting God at the center of our marriage, having the same faith, love and communication. These are the secrets to happy marriages of many African-American couples.

Spending quality time with each other is very valuable. We also note that the African-American couples with long time marriages are regular church goers.

Apart from the practical insight we learn from the MSU and Louisiana report, let us put our trust in God and make Him our perfect marriage guidance counselor. This  is the top secret of any enduring marriage. If we do this, our marriage will last no matter what race we are.

Please click the Like button below to share this article.

Share
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Proven Recipe For A Good Marriage

Posted on March 13, 2012 by Jan Soriano


Studies show that there is a proven recipe for a good marriage.  One that is fun, resilient and can last a lifetime.

One ingredient is having a healthy argument once a week with your spouse as part of your marriage enhancement? It is recommended not to stay sweet all the
time because we will get bored. Do you believe that?

Well, Head Water conducted a research involving 2,000 happily married couples and this is what they found out.

Proven recipe for a good marriage

“Taking two holidays a year, having a meaningful conversation twice a week and cuddling 11 times in a fortnight are keys to a happy marriage, it was revealed this month.

The research shows that husband and wife benefit from taking a short break away together twice a year and eat out in restaurants at least three times a month. However, it doesn’t need to be sweetness and light the whole time as the average happy couple has at least one healthy argument a week.

Headwater’s MD Catherine Crone said: “The research indicates what the happily marrieds amongst us have learnt over the years – that marriage is all about give and take, resolving anything that may be bothering you and making time for one another.”

Taking time out from the daily routine is also fundamental to long term happiness. For those people who go on two holidays a year, 55% claim they are more likely to make time for each other on while away than at any other time of the year. Of those polled 47% said they were friends with a partner before they became an item and eventually married, which may explain why 58% say they like to go away because on each occasion they are reminded why they love each other so much.

Back home, marital harmony comes down to the delicate balance of quality time together and time with friends. In contrast to their usual evenings spent fighting over the remote control, happily married couples tend to make time for at least five movie nights at home plus drinks at the pub together three times a month. However, the survey also indicates that there will be nights out twice a month with friends instead of their other half.

The Headwater spokeswoman continues: “Sometimes stepping back from the daily routine can do couples the world of good. Holidays are a great chance to be reminded how to have fun together and spending time together away from the usual distractions of home can reignite the spark that made them fall in love in the first place.

“Knowing these results, perhaps now more than ever it’s important for couples to see these shared moments as a fun way to invest in their relationship and weather-proof their marriage.”

Proven Recipe For A Good Marriage

Holidays 2 a year
Short breaks 2 a year
Say “I love you” 9 times a fortnight
Kiss 6 times a week
Cuddle 11 times a fortnight
Have sex 2 times a week
Deep and meaningful conversation 2 times a week
Dinner out 3 times a month
Drinks out 3 times a month
Healthy argument 1 a week
Lads / Lasses night out without partner 2 times a month
Surprise romantic gesture 3 times a month
Movie night at home 5 times a month

Five tips for marital success

Make quality time for each other 50%
Share the household chores equally 35%
Know when to say sorry 33%
Turn a blind eye to irritating habits 21%
Don’t go to bed on an argument 20%”

Like baking a cake, a happy marriage needs a lot of ingredients.  The tips provided are a proven recipe for a good marriage. Take one out and it won’t taste as good. But for those having problems, you can try our FREE guided counseling by clicking here.

Kindly pass this fascinating article to your friends by clicking the Like button below.  This may just be the recipe that they need.

Share
Posted in How To Love Your Husband, Marriage Counseling, To Save A Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How God Saved A Man’s Marriage After An Affair

Posted on March 10, 2012 by Jan Soriano


Why do we turn to God during times of insurmountable problems? The answer is because He is the Creator and the God Almighty who has the power to save us from all our troubles.

God can save our marriage if we go to Him for help. When it comes to stories of marriages and extramarital affairs, most offended spouses tend to feel very bitter and angry. We always logically resort to break ups. Instead of going to the divorce courts, why not try asking God to save our troubled marriage.

I want to share with you Betsy Hart’s inspiring article posted in Chicago Sun Times about a  married man’s confession of  marital infidelity. Find out how God saved a man’s marriage after an affair.

How God Saved A Man’s  Marriage After An Affair

Meet “Mike” (not his real name).

How God Saved A Man’s Marriage After An Affair

Mike told his wife about his affair when he became afraid she would find out on her own. In any event, he ended the affair, and he told me that he is more and more repentant as time goes on. But it’s been less than a year since everything came out into the open. It’s still so raw. He is worried about whether she can fully forgive him.

He wrote to me about what happened in the wake of his revelation to his wife. Excerpts of his text have been edited for clarity and brevity:

“We are going through counseling and are ‘new’ to each other. I was wrong. No ifs, ands or buts. Everything I did was my fault and all the blame needs to lie with me. There is no justification, period.

I am consoled by only three things:

1. A renewed faith. Jesus told the adulteress to go and sin no more.

2. My wife has — and I hope and pray permanently — decided to persevere and hold our marriage together. I know she had a choice to make, and, fortunately for me, she didn’t choose the worldly choice. She, too, understands that I had a similar choice to make. I never wanted this to unfold for me, her or our families.

3. Lastly, we both understand that the people we were pre-affair are not the people we wanted to be or ever will be again.

Mike told me in his note, and in our conversation, that he and his wife realize that the dynamics of their marriage need to change, but that he sees it as his choice alone to fail the marriage. His note had this advice for others:

“For the men and women who are in an affair now: Stop. For the men and women who are thinking of cheating, I suggest you search the Ten Commandments. I suggest you also search your heart for ways to serve your spouse, rather than be critical of them and selfish in your hard heart.

We all married a flawed spouse. The question is: Are we man or woman enough to love, without ceasing, in the face of all odds against us, until death do us part?

I failed and have seen the pain in the eyes and expressions of my wife, my children, our extended families. I have seen the disbelief in the faces of friends, colleagues and others.

God has given me a second chance to hold this frail, young woman’s heart in my hands. I will not fail again! She was God’s gift to me, and I left her unopened and undiscovered until now. Our children were the gift God gave both of us.

When we confess and repent for violating one of His Ten Commandments and ask forgiveness thru His only begotten son, Jesus Christ, God the Father will surely forgive us, blot our sin out and cleanse us as if we never sinned.

Let us always seek God’s blessings and forgiveness for any sin we commit. After Mike decided to confess his sin to his wife, he went up to God and petition Him to forgive him and to touch the heart and mind of his wife. It will take time but I am pretty sure that their marriage and love will be rekindled much more than before. This is the motivational story of how God saved a man’s marriage after an affair.

Please share this beautiful write up with your friends who may have or are unfaithful to their spouses and are full of guilt by clicking the Like button below. Turn to God and seek pardon and He will forgive and no longer remember our sin.

Share
Posted in Marriage And Affairs, Marriage And Infidelity, Marriage Counseling, Problems In Marriage, To Save A Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments